It’s been a ‘interesting’ year, full of ups and downs.

It started well, with me riding high off the relative success of last year’s NaNoWriMo.  It was an important milestone with my writing, the first time I ever got around to actually finishing something in a short time that I even remotely liked.  So, that was Planet Of Snakes (a sequel to the unfinished Desert Of Zin) and very happy I was with it too.

(Not that it matters what’s finished and what’s not, things have changed in that quarter.  More on that in a mo.)

Then, shortly after the new year, my mother had a cancer scare.  Not good, not good at all.  But she had it removed, went for her radiotherapy and everything is currently peachy keen.  (It’s amazing how you can get all of the angst, worry and relief of a time like that and boil it down to a couple of sentences…)

Then a few months into the year amazing news arrives.  Ruth is pregnant!  I still remember how excited I was when I found out.  We had been trying for a while and finding out really was a gift.

Then we hit the summer.  And intimidation and bullying at work.  Not good seeing as I worked for the my church.  With the benefit of hindsight, and plenty of counselling, there is definitely an element of a culture of dishonour about the way some Christians act despite the ‘Culture of Honour’ that is advertised.

Anyway, it wasn’t a sudden thing.  Using the same old hindsight as before it’s clear that my self-esteem and confidence were being ground down over a long period of time.  More on that later as well.

There was a welcome break in there called Summer’s End, a progressive rock festival in the small town of Lidney, by the Forest of Dean.  Myself, The Psycho Chicken, Bruce and (when she felt like she could endure all that glorious prog) Sharla enjoyed Steve Hackett, Pallas, Pendragon and all the wonderful bands in between.

But then back to work where the situation continued to get from bad to worse…

The months of September, October and November were back to the growing depression, anxiety, stress and suicidal tendencies.  This really was the worst part of the year for me.  I was being intimidated and harrased by my line manager (who, unfortunately, was also my minister) and despite already letting people in authority know the situation he was still my line manager and still intimidating and harassing me.

Now, I understand that in the cold light of day it might not seem like much, but when your church is your work and the only feedback you get from your minister/line manager is negative and your interests and thoughts are open to ridicule, it tends to affect you poorly.

NaNoWriMo arrived in November, right at the height of how bad things were getting.  With panic attacks and ‘The Fear’ growing almost daily it was a miracle in itself that I was able to get over 24k words.

This was the ‘All-New’ Desert Of Zin story.  I felt like the existing one was going nowhere.  I had no plan or interest in keeping it going and any ideas I did have just seemed tired.  But then I thought that it might be an idea to take the core concepts I still had in mind for the story and just start afresh.  Different setting, different characters (although with the same names) and with a narrow scope, at least initially, than the original attempt.  And for the most part I’m a lot happier with it so far.  Lots of stories to tell though, which is good.  Stops me from getting too bogged down with any one story.

But it wasn’t finished in the month, so there we go.  I’ll try again with something new next year.

It was the second-last weekend in November when everything hit the fan.  Angry threats were made at work and that was the straw that broke back of it and I handed in my notice.  Better that I was unemployed and healthy than employed and suicidal.

And I haven’t really regretted it once.  It’s a no-brainer that I have not been back to Whiteinch Church of Scotland for the Sunday Celebration and I don’t think I ever will.  I do wish them well for the future but if they ever want to see this ‘Culture of Honour’ fully realised they’ll have to really look at sorting themselves out.  One thing that going though my own counselling process has shown me is that there are a good few of Whiteinch Church leadership who need counselling of their own.

But with a month of the year left, two wonderful things happened.

A story, Whiteinch In Flight, was accepted for a local anthology…

…And my daughter was born, late for Christmas, but in plenty of time for the new year.

I have big plans for 2010.  It really feels like I’ve been through a lot this year and I’m confident and a feeling a lot more prepared for what I’m planning for the year ahead.

There are books to write, a wife to keep happy and a daughter to raise.  No problem.

- Alistair

Well, that is until I get to the desperate days after the first week when I was just typing any old crap to get the word count up…

Still, the process continues interrupted only by the festive season where I will be too busy eating and drinking more than I know better to…

Oh, dear…

I had 53950 words!  Not bad, eh?

Nope, not bad at all.

I would talk more but i’m enjoying a cool beer (first Leffe and now Hoegaarden) after a crappy week.

(And my confession is that i have not touched any writing since the end of NaNo, but rest assured I’ll get back to you with The Plan.  Oh yes.)

My word count is currently 53109 which means I have beaten NaNo for this year.  Result!

But the story is not finished yet.  And that’s my plan for today once I get back from church.  The aim for today is 7k or the end of the story, whatever happens first!

And then it’s time to down the tools and take a few days before returning to finish DoZ book 1.

Ah, the joys.

Day 27 Actual wordcount : 50077! (50030 as read by the NaNoWriMo site counter!)

Yes!

Over fifty thousand works of a novel in twenty seven days!

Of course, I will be finishing the book, 60k in total I reckon, by the end of NaNoWriMo, midnight on Sunday 30th of November.  Hopefully.

Now I am away to drink bad whisky and listen to some Led Zeppelin.  I thank you.

Day  Actual wordcount : 45144!

To put that in a more local context, yesterday I had 40142 wordsand today I have 45144 words!

I’ve had a 5k Day!

Wow!

Unfortunately I can no longer work my hands but I only have 6 days left to do less than 5 thousand words.

Toffee.

I’m of college/work today, my sinuses are really bad coupled with some cold/flu thing that Ruth has lovingly passed on, so I am taking some time to rest hoping that it won’t get much worse.

I am trying to dodge time on the computer today, but giving BBC’s iPlayer a chance I have happily found that Screenwipe with Charlie Brooker is back for a fourth series.

If you have never seen Screenwipe I would heartily advise you to give it a try.  Although it is a bit sweary and definately not safe for work (depending, of course, where you work).

And watching it is a welcome break from thinking about NaNoWriMo.

Day 15 Actual wordcount : 27183

So, what stopped me from getting to 30k tonight?

That would be chinese food.  Ah, lovely.

But 27k is a fine number to finish the day with.  And there will be more tomorrow.

Day 15 Actual wordcount :26685 (so far)

I’m in Mono in Glasgow and i’ve reached my word count for tomorrow.  Man, I’m tired.

A good bunch of the NaNo regulars are here, like Alan, Elise and Remote Push among others and generally, apart from the crazy people around us, it had been a successful day.

I’m going shortly, for a nice relaxing evening of curry and more writing… 

If I push it I could reach 30k by the end of the night, but that might be a bit too much.  Never know though, the act of going home and getting back to the relative comfort of my computer chair might be enough for me to charge forward with it.

I’ll see… 

(and 26685 words means i am over half way… Whoo!!!)

Day 10 Actual wordcount : 16490

Fail.

Talk about hitting the wall.

I was away this weekend, against my better judgement, knowing that time away from the writing and being in a stressed environment (which it was for a while) would not be condusive to writing.  I hate to think I was right.

I’ve written about 250 words since arrivng back at the flat yesterday afternoon.  I’m looking at my notes and I’m looking at my work i have produced so far and I’m getting nothing.

That’s a shame.

Hopefully it is a blip.

Hopefully.