In an effort to balance my last doom and gloom post, here’s a list of things I’d like to spend my time on as baby and wife allow.

• The Railman, part two, is practically ready for arrival on Friday.  Got a little bit to tidy up with it but otherwise it’s good to go.  Not sure where the story is going.  It might only last three parts, or it might go on for ages.  I’ll just let it wander as it wants.  Probably for the best.  My last attempt to force a regular story was The Bandstand and that’s fallen into some kind of limbo.
• Catching up with the Writing Buddies.  These are a group of guys I met through the last two NaNoWriMo attempts.  A good bunch of guys with a range of skills and tastes.  Makes for an interesting group.  Always a joy to spend time with them.
• Get a new job.  You may have picked this up from my last post.  It’s becoming a matter of urgency now but I’m sure something pop up.  It usually does.
• Grey Knights.  I’ve almost finished painting them.  And in a colour I’m happy with.  I’m sure I can get them done by the end of the year.    There may even be photos of the great job I’ve done.
• Other general gaming.  I like gaming, it’s a passion but I spend very little time indulging in my hobby.  I’m going to try and rectify that.
• Other writing.  There are many unfinished stories and I have to do something with them.  If I can get one story published then I can get others.  I just have to persevere.
• Find a new church.  My faith is at a pretty low ebb and has been for a very… long… time.  It would be nice to find a place I can find some peace and where they can accept me for who I am.
• Summer’s End.  Providing that there is another Summer’s End prog festival this year, I’ll be there hopefully with Neil and Bruce.  Last year we had capes.  This year it might be full wizards robes…

That’s a list of things I have in my mind that’s not Ruth/Aurora centred.  I know it’ll change as time progresses and as free time deteriorates/becomes available.

- Alistair

I’ve just heard back about a job I applied for.  It was something that I had wanted to do for a while, I reckoned I had enough relative experience and got through the first round of interviews and had my second yesterday.  It seemed to go well, I didn’t stumble or fall at any of the questions asked but just before 6pm this afternoon I got the call that I didn’t get it.  Gutted.

Oh well, sometimes that’s the way it goes.  Thing is, with no current job, finances are tight.  And it looks like I’ll have to bite that old ‘follow the money’ bullet and apply for any old shit.  The thing is that I’ve done that for years and always ended up in companies that tended to treat their employees poorly (even if they didn’t think so themselves) and have hated doing the same repetitive crap for people who wouldn’t know how to manage their own shoelaces.  My last two jobs, Whiteinch Church of Scotland and Scottish Power, are prime examples of that.

So, is that just what we have to do to get by?  I know the old saying ‘you work to live not live to work’ has a lot of weight but surely if we have to do something that takes up approx. 40 of our waking hours in a week that it’s important to find something that doesn’t suck completely.

Perhaps I’m just expecting too much.  I have a beautiful wife and daughter and I love them both very much.  I have a group of very good friends who I don’t see enough of.  Perhaps doing a crappy job with disrespectful and critical assholes is just the way of it.

- Alistair

So, happy new year!

It’s been a ‘interesting’ year, full of ups and downs.

It started well, with me riding high off the relative success of last year’s NaNoWriMo.  It was an important milestone with my writing, the first time I ever got around to actually finishing something in a short time that I even remotely liked.  So, that was Planet Of Snakes (a sequel to the unfinished Desert Of Zin) and very happy I was with it too.

(Not that it matters what’s finished and what’s not, things have changed in that quarter.  More on that in a mo.)

Then, shortly after the new year, my mother had a cancer scare.  Not good, not good at all.  But she had it removed, went for her radiotherapy and everything is currently peachy keen.  (It’s amazing how you can get all of the angst, worry and relief of a time like that and boil it down to a couple of sentences…)

Then a few months into the year amazing news arrives.  Ruth is pregnant!  I still remember how excited I was when I found out.  We had been trying for a while and finding out really was a gift.

Then we hit the summer.  And intimidation and bullying at work.  Not good seeing as I worked for the my church.  With the benefit of hindsight, and plenty of counselling, there is definitely an element of a culture of dishonour about the way some Christians act despite the ‘Culture of Honour’ that is advertised.

Anyway, it wasn’t a sudden thing.  Using the same old hindsight as before it’s clear that my self-esteem and confidence were being ground down over a long period of time.  More on that later as well.

There was a welcome break in there called Summer’s End, a progressive rock festival in the small town of Lidney, by the Forest of Dean.  Myself, The Psycho Chicken, Bruce and (when she felt like she could endure all that glorious prog) Sharla enjoyed Steve Hackett, Pallas, Pendragon and all the wonderful bands in between.

But then back to work where the situation continued to get from bad to worse…

The months of September, October and November were back to the growing depression, anxiety, stress and suicidal tendencies.  This really was the worst part of the year for me.  I was being intimidated and harrased by my line manager (who, unfortunately, was also my minister) and despite already letting people in authority know the situation he was still my line manager and still intimidating and harassing me.

Now, I understand that in the cold light of day it might not seem like much, but when your church is your work and the only feedback you get from your minister/line manager is negative and your interests and thoughts are open to ridicule, it tends to affect you poorly.

NaNoWriMo arrived in November, right at the height of how bad things were getting.  With panic attacks and ‘The Fear’ growing almost daily it was a miracle in itself that I was able to get over 24k words.

This was the ‘All-New’ Desert Of Zin story.  I felt like the existing one was going nowhere.  I had no plan or interest in keeping it going and any ideas I did have just seemed tired.  But then I thought that it might be an idea to take the core concepts I still had in mind for the story and just start afresh.  Different setting, different characters (although with the same names) and with a narrow scope, at least initially, than the original attempt.  And for the most part I’m a lot happier with it so far.  Lots of stories to tell though, which is good.  Stops me from getting too bogged down with any one story.

But it wasn’t finished in the month, so there we go.  I’ll try again with something new next year.

It was the second-last weekend in November when everything hit the fan.  Angry threats were made at work and that was the straw that broke back of it and I handed in my notice.  Better that I was unemployed and healthy than employed and suicidal.

And I haven’t really regretted it once.  It’s a no-brainer that I have not been back to Whiteinch Church of Scotland for the Sunday Celebration and I don’t think I ever will.  I do wish them well for the future but if they ever want to see this ‘Culture of Honour’ fully realised they’ll have to really look at sorting themselves out.  One thing that going though my own counselling process has shown me is that there are a good few of Whiteinch Church leadership who need counselling of their own.

But with a month of the year left, two wonderful things happened.

A story, Whiteinch In Flight, was accepted for a local anthology…

…And my daughter was born, late for Christmas, but in plenty of time for the new year.

I have big plans for 2010.  It really feels like I’ve been through a lot this year and I’m confident and a feeling a lot more prepared for what I’m planning for the year ahead.

There are books to write, a wife to keep happy and a daughter to raise.  No problem.

- Alistair

According to the info sent out by the Department for Work and Pensions, though the wonderful people in the Job Centre, my local housing authority is the City of Westminster.  It’s a bit of a trek from Partick, I know…

Just been on to their Glasgow office, they take a very dim view of the peeps taking the initial telephone claims.  seem to think their attention can only be held for a few minutes.  And by the state of the customer information they sent out for me to confirm, that guy just might be right…

- Alistair

Wow.  It’s been over a month since my last post, and life has been hectic.

Let’s see.  What has been going on in the life of Al?

Well, NaNoWriMo started and, two and a half weeks later, stumbled and fell of the ride.  Loads of bad stuff happened, mostly from my work, and I was a basket case for the majority of the month of November.  Truth be told I was a basket case for a good few months before that and I still have a long way to go before I’m back to normal (whatever that is) and am back working on all cylinders.

25,000 words though.  That’s not bad at all.

I’m currently unemployed as I had no other choice than to leave, the sanity of both Ruth and I was more important than a part-time admin job, and it’s going to be a long haul before I have my confidence and self-esteem back to where it should be.

Anyway, all of this madness got in the way of my finishing NaNoWriMo, which is a damn shame as I was really enjoying the story I had set myself this year.  But with time on my hands before the impending birth of my first child (due date = 13th December!) I am spending some of it on Desert of Zin so I don’t totally lose the thread like I did before.

- Alistair